


It was hard

by babybam



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Self-Harm, Taehyun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybam/pseuds/babybam
Summary: Donghan, Kenta and Sanggyun see something they never knew about Taehyun.





	It was hard

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back with a new angst fic, woohoo.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING, self-harm is really present in the whole fic, and there's blood mentioned once. Everyone be careful when reading.

Donghan, Kenta and Sanggyun were looking for Taehyun. It was only around nine in the evening, they all had showered after their schedules and now the three wanted to play. But they couldn't do it just the three of them, no, they needed pairs so they needed four people minimum. Hyunbin and Yongguk had already refused so Taehyun was their last and only option. They went to Donghan and Taehyun's room, it most likely being the place where Taehyun would be. 

They opened the door, the light was on and Taehyun was laying on the bed. Wearing only a t-shirt and boxers. It made Sanggyun giggle. The leader seemed to be sleeping but Donghan didn't mind waking him up. It wasn't even _late_ and why would Taehyun be sleeping with the light on anyway and he wasn't even wearing his pajamas. Donghan put his finger in front of his lips, signalling the two to be quiet.

They tiptoed next to the bed, all of them thingking a way to wake Taehyun up. Donghan gasped abruptly and Kenta and Sanggyun turned to look at him. Donghan was shocked. Taehyun's boxers had ridden up which exposed his thighs even more. There were scars. A lot of white scars protruding from his skin. Donghan's first thought was, _Why have I never seen those before?_ But now thinking, Taehyun didn't usually go around in his boxers or really short shorts that would expose his skin. That was what Sanggyun did.

Donghan looked at Kenta and Sanggyun, eyes wide. The two were looking at Taehyun too, or his thighs to be exact. It was a little awkward, to be staring at half naked Taehyun like this. To be staring at his exposed _thighs_. From Kenta's and Sanggyun's faces, Donghan knew they hadn't known about those scars either. And what they all were probably thinking was, _Where did Taehyun get all those scars?_

They quickly scrambled out of the room, none of them wanting to wake up the leader anymore. Wordlessly they all went to sit on the living room couch. 

 

”The… The scars. Have you seen them before? Did you know about them?” Kenta asked and looked at Sanggyun and Donghan. Sanggyun shook his head, he was unusually serious. 

”I didn't know either. How did he even get… Them,” Donghan spoke. There was one thing they were thinking of. _Self-harm_. Yes, they knew about self-harming. It wasn't hugely talked about but most people knew it does happen. And Kenta didn't know how else one would get so many neatly placed scars in one, or two, places. But it wasn't something they really wanted to consider. Taehyun? He wouldn't do that. Or?

They jumped when someone walked to the living room. Hyunbin stood there, looking at them funny. 

 

”What are you doing?” he asked. Hadn't the three just been so insistent on wanting to play some stupid game and looked like they were gonna force Taehyun to play with them since he and Yongguk refused.

Donghan looked at Kenta and then at Sanggyun. They kept glancing at each other, none know what to say.

”Nothing?” Donghan finally said, but it was more like a question.

”Okay?” Hyunbin said, confused. Whatever they were up to, was probably something weird. Or something they shouldn't be doing. Hyunbin continued his way to the kitchen, leaving Donghan, Kenta and Sanggyun on the couch.

 

”Should we ask Taehyun hyung?” Sanggyun suggested. 

”Ask him what? Wouldn't it be rude or weird to ask?” Kenta said.

”I want to know!”

”Of course I want to too, but is it too personal?” 

”Let's just… Ask him when he gets up or something,” Donghan suggested. He wanted to know too, they all did. And if it was Taehyun's own doing, the scars, they needed to do something. Anything.

 

They ended up sitting quietly on the couch, waiting for Taehyun to wake up. Hyunbin passed them again, going back to his bedroom. It didn't take long before he came back though, with Yongguk and the cats this time. 

”What's up? You're acting weird,” Hyunbin said, sitting on the floor. Yongguk did the same and started playing with the cats, he was listening though.

”Well…” Kenta started and looked at Sanggyun and Donghan. He hesitated, he didn't know if he should tell them. 

”The three of us know anyway so… Can't hurt to tell them too,” Sanggyun shrugged. 

”It's about Taehyun hyung,” Donghan started and Yongguk lifted his head.

”He has scars, a lot of them, on his thighs,” Donghan explained and motioned to his own thighs. Hyunbin tilted his head.

”Scars? Where'd he get those?” Hyunbin spoke and looked at Yongguk. It was obvious to them all now that no one had known, at least none of them. Did the other hotshot members know? Sungwoon? Junhyuk?

”They, uh, they're like mostly neat lines and look like he… Has made them himself?” Kenta whispered, for the first time someone was saying out loud those words. 

”We shouldn't assume though! It could be anything! And that's the thing, none of us have ever seen or known about them,” Donghan was quick to say and Kenta nodded furiously. Hyunbin and Yongguk were speechless.

”What are you planning to do?” Yongguk asked, he could feel the three had something in mind.

”Just… Gonna ask him,” Kenta said, sounding a bit unsure.

 

Kenta slid down from the couch as they waited for their leader. The three on the floor entertained Tolbi and Rcy, or maybe the cats entertained them. The clock was only nearing ten when they heard a door open. A bedroom door. It was Taehyun, they were sure. 

They turned to face the hallway where Taehyun would be coming, and truly, only seconds later he shuffled to the living room, having put some pants on. None of them could help but glance at Taehyun's thighs though. Taehyun stopped on his tracks when he saw the other five members stare at him.

It was silent as Taehyun eyed them and they eyed Taehyun.

 

”What?” Taehyun finally asked, the atmosphere in the room was odd. He watched as the others looked at each other, like not knowing who was to speak. Taehyun crossed his arms on his chest, what was going on here.

”Hyung, we saw your… Your scars. On your thighs, and we were just… Wondering… Where did you get them?” Kenta asked. Taehyun's heart skipped a beat. He almost took a step back. No. He had always tried to make sure no one saw them. 

Taehyun frowned, not answering. He didn't know what to say.

”Hyung?” Sanggyun asked, everyone was tense. ”Did you… Do them yourself?” Sanggyun asked carefully. Taehyun felt his breath get stuck in his throat. He bit his bottom lip, turning his head away from his friends.

 

Taehyun's reaction was enough for them all to know they had guessed correctly. Kenta turned his attention back to Taehyun when the leader sighed. Donghan patted the couch and Taehyun moved to sit down next to him.

”Yes, I've made them myself,” Taehyun said, not looking anyone in the eye.

”It was hard. You know, hotshot didn't exactly succeed that well when we debuted. It was hard being a trainee itself and we thought debut would make it better but… It didn't. We were constantly afraid that we would have to disband, we didn't have a comeback for like two years. It was hard and scary,” Taehyun explained quietly. 

”It was just something I did to… Cope,” he said and looked at his thighs. ”I'm not proud of it or anything and I know they're ugly but...” he drifted off and shrugged. 

The memories of what they went through in the past two years still hurt him. Produce 101 had almost been like their last hope, and all of them were glad it turned out well. Sungwoon got into Wanna One and all of them were very proud of him, they had the Jelly comeback which all of them enjoyed tremendously, although they still weren't hugely popular. But everything had turned to the better for them.

 

”Do others know?” Hyunbin asked. Taehyun nodded, Junhyuk had caught him one time, his thighs bleeding. It had been horrible. They had sat down as a group and Taehyun had made them promise to not tell anyone. They hadn't.

”The hotshot members know, they promised to not tell anyone. And you need to promise the same,” Taehyun said. Meeting each of their eyes for the first time. Yongguk hugged Tolbi to his chest.

”We promise. But… Do you need help, hyung?” Hyunbin asked. Taehyun shook his head, he didn't want or need help.

”I've been clean for months,” he said.

”When was the… Last time?” Donghan asked. 

Taehyun grimaced. ”When I was eliminated,” he answered. Referring to Produce 101, the others understood. That was only a couple of months ago and really made none of them feel better, not even Taehyun.

”But before that I had been clean for a long time too.” 

”Listen. It's not something you need to be worried about or think about. I don't think about it, the scars or cutting,” Taehyun explained and saw how his words made the others shudder.

”Just… If you ever feel like, uh, cutting, come to us. We don't want you feeling like that, maybe we can help,” Donghan said quietly. The others were nodding.

”I will,” Taehyun said, looking down on his hands.

 

Taehyun yelped when Donghan suddenly jumped on him, burying him under him and wrapping his long limbs around him. Sanggyun was already laughing, looking like he was gonna join the pile as well. Rcy had sprinted out of the living room, scared by the loud yelling.

”I love you, hyung~,” Donghan said and nuzzled his face against Taehyun's cheek. Taehyun was yelling and laughing.

”I love you too, brat, all of you.” He yelled again when more weight was added on him, Sanggyun finally jumping on top of Donghan. Hyunbin and Kenta were laughing, Yongguk got up from the floor and put Tolbi on top of the human pile. The cat looked beyond confused.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave kudos and comments, but please be nice :D
> 
> Check out the sequel too: [Regret](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13301157)


End file.
